In a galaxy far, far away I posted last.
So long ago in fact that I had to search for my own blog. Not good, huh?!?
Also so long ago that we have added a new member to the clown car. Our newest addition is Hanky Panky, his entrance into the circus has bumped Buzzy out of the lone man position. Hanky is a joy to be around and destined to be the final act at this circus. He is also destined at this point to be our biggest clown. At 9 months he has grown right off the top of the growth chart at 25 lbs and 30 inches tall.
I am back to journal my way through the next few weeks. The emotions are running high here and I need to get some of them out in a place that I feel that I can kick, scream, cry, and generally throw a 2 yr old type tantrum otherwise I believe that the depression end of it may get the best of me.
See here is the thing, #1 is going on Friday for the procedure to finalize the size of our circus. I am saddened by the end of what seems to be a good thing, while I know in my heart that it is time to move past the baby circus and on to bigger and different things. The thought of never carrying another baby, feeling the first flutters, then kicks, then holding my newborn, nursing for the first time, and watching them grow... I will never have these again. I rationalize it and like I said I know in my heart it is the right thing... does not make it any less heart breaking.
As the emotions hit I will be back with more. Until then I will knit.
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I am sure that as the ringmaster here I am more prone to the stress of day to day life. I have been slightly overwhelmed by the stress recently. I am not motivated to do much any more, including my job. I feel overwhelmed by the "to-do" list that is sitting in front of me. I have been sick and so have all the clowns.
I finally broke down and took myself in to the doctor today. As ringmaster I just don't have the time to spare in this crazy circus to do that, but I hit my breaking point last night. I have been feeling gross and nauseous, crampy, yucky and gassy for over a week. (For inquiring minds I have taken the big pee stick test... and it was a resounding negative). I figured that with the "flu" that I had over the weekend that it was over, but then last night full force it was back. I told #1 that it was done... I was calling first thing this morning and getting an appointment to have myself looked at. I am hopefully on the path to repair now with the help of a new supplement, some anti-acid meds, and a determination to stop drinking my one true love.... Diet Coke. Mostly because the bubbles make the gas and cramps worse... so we may only be parted for a few days not forever. We will see, I am afraid that if I go back it will be for good. It is my one vice. I think this has only been fueled by my stress right now over Blinker's surgery.
As far as illness goes it has been a long winter of illness here, we had 3 of the clowns in yesterday alone.
Jane was in for her follow-up with the ENT. It was bittersweet. She has had a persistent hole in her left ear from the set of tubes that she got at 16 months that had not closed after the tube fell out. Well good news was that the hole has closed up. Bad news is that there is fluid behind both of her ears. We were given some allergy nasal spray and a couple of things to do with her to try and help her to 'pop' her ears and try to get the fluid out. We go back in a month for another follow up, if the fluid is not gone we may be looking at another set of tubes for her.
Blinker went in for her consult to get tubes. After 6 weeks on antibiotics. we have decided that it was time for a different answer. She could just not stay off of the medication for more then 2 days without redeveloping another ear infection, thus the tubes. We have to be at the hospital at 6 am in the morning for 7 am surgery. It is gonna be a long day for this ring master.
Buzzy had woken up Monday night with a blood curdling scream. Started crying uncontrollably and could not calm down to tell us what was wrong. We finally calmed him down enough to hear that his ear hurt, off to find the Motrin and back to sleep. So on the way to the early morning appointments for the girls we called the pediatrician so that we could have his ears looked at. Guess what... ear infection.
I am overjoyed by the warm weather that we are experiencing here at the big top, the doors and windows are all open and we are allowing the germs to TAKE A HIKE.
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